Assalamualaikum Warahmathulahi Wabarakatuhu
Choosing the right better half i.e., life partner has to be done correctly, as they have the ability to change our life with colors of happiness as well as with heart-filled sadness. I have come across so many married couples and have seen how their have changed due to their spouse. Some are rich publicly but poor privately i.e.., they lack happiness of heart. And on the other hand are those that are poor or middle-class, yet they are rich by heart due to happiness. Our spouse or life partner would be our happiness. Choosing them correctly would define our life. And more over, Nikah (marriage) is sunnah and doing it is like completing or fulfilling half the deen.
Here, I’m going to list our some points that you must remember while Choosing the right better half.
- Reason For Marriage:
Before deciding to choose your spouse, you must analyze the reason behind it. Whether your capable of supporting a family or not. And are you physically and mentally prepared for the Nikkah (Marriage). Whether your whole heartedly willing to get into the Marriage contract or simply for the parents wish. These has to be analysed because if it’s not for correct reason then it would bring up dangerous effects after the marriage.
“Abu Huraira (Radhiallahu’Anhu) reported ALLAH’s Messenger (Salallahu’Alyhiwassalam) as saying: A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust.” [Sahih Bukhari, Chapter#35, Vol#8, Hadith#3457]
The above hadith beautifully explains about choosing a woman, which may even apply for choosing men too.
- Looking Towards Beauty:
Yes, of course one has the rights to choose his/her spouse depending upon their beauty. But, just remember that beauty has nothing to do with your life. Every one has to loose their beauty as the age runs. So, indeed beauty would fade off in no time. And, all the creations of ALLAH the Almighty is beautiful. So, it beauty depends upon the eyes of the one who looks and not on the appearance of the one who is being looked upon. There is no wrong if you look for a beautiful better half i.e.., spouse.
- Rich or Poor:
One may be rich or poor. It’s in the hands of ALLAH the Oft-giving, he is the one who provides everything. If someone is poor, then there is a hidden reason behind it. And if someone is rich, it too has a hidden reason. But, it’s also pointless to look for a rich spouse, because anytime the money can fly and anytime you can come to streets. But, there is no wrong in choosing a rich partner or poor partner.
Always remember this most important point. Your going to complete you half of the deen through you marriage. So choose someone who is of the deen (Islam). And the deen must not only be in their actions, instead it has to live and grow in their hearts. This is much important of all. One has to only choose the righteous partner. Never risk yourself by selecting some one who only owns an Islamic name and not an Islamic character. You may think of changing them after Marriage, but that’s difficult. Because everything i.e.., correct and wrong is in-front of everyone. ALLAH has given the ability to differentiate it. Then, how do you think of changing someone who knows they are far away from deen? So, choose the righteous one.
ALLAH says: “ Marry those among you who are single or the virtues among you slaves, male or females: if they are in poverty, ALLAH will give them means out of His grace: for ALLAH encompasses all, and he knows all things.” [ Surah Al-Nur, Ayath#32]
- Character Matters:
Character is very essential. While choosing spouse, you must concentrate on their character i.e., way of speech (polite, decent, rude, use of bad words), behavior (patient, calm, high tempered), soft hearted or hard hearted etc. You are going to live with the character of your spouse through-out your life. If it’s male, then concentrate of women who love your parents and would take care of them same as hers. The same applies for females too.
Choose a modest one. Modesty doesn’t only apply to clothing but it also applies to inner-thoughts and action. Lowering gaze is one of them. Choose the spouse who can control their eyes from viewing haram stuffs.
- Your Approval:
A marriage contract can’t be valid in the eyes of ALLAH the Most-high until it’s done according to your wish and your parents/guardian. And at the same time, your parents/guardian doesn’t have any rights to turn away any proposal without valid reason. Don’t give up your this right while choosing the right better half.
- Age Does It Matter:
Whether your spouse is young or old, that doesn’t matter at all. Just look at our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Salallahu’Alayhiwassalam) and his wife Khadija (Radhiallahu’Anha). They had a long distance in age. Khadija (Radialallahu’Anha) was much older than Rasulallah and she was divorced twice. And yet they both made the best Islamic Married Couples. The age must never fall as a reason in rejecting a proposal. Because are you 100% sure that you would be happy with someone who is much younger ? No right, so don’t follow the stupid cultures and society instead follow our Prophet, which would lead us to Jannah, In’Sha’ALLAH.
- Giving Mahr/ Receiving Mahr:
If you’re a male then you must compulsorily provide mahr (dowry) to your spouse before marriage. Don’t think mahr means jewels and money. No it could be even a surah from the Holy Qura’an recited to your spouse before marriage.
Follow the above mentioned points while Choosing the right better half. In’Sha’ALLAH ALLAH will guide you. And remember you’re the one who is going to live with them in Dunya and in Akhira (hereafter). So be careful and use these sunnah ways to choose your spouse.
JAZAKALLAH KHAIRUN [Courtesy Abdullah Alfazeena(Aleena Razee)]